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Posted by Riya in Dark Humor 2 weeks ago
Doctor, please, my son ate some cement. What can I do? First of all, don't give him anything to drink.
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Posted by Riya in Dark Humor 2 weeks ago
Latest news: Local Leprosy Awareness Society Fell Apart.
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Posted by Riya in Dark Humor 2 weeks ago
Strong people don't put other people down. They lift them up and slam them to the ground for maximum impact.
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Posted by Riya in Dark Humor 2 weeks ago
When a blind woman tells her boyfriend that she is seeing someone, it could either be a really terrible news or a really great news.
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Posted by Riya in Dark Humor 2 weeks ago
Imagine the Earth would spin 10 times faster – you’d get your salary every day and the women would bleed to death.
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Posted by Riya in Dark Humor 2 weeks ago
Doctor: “You look much worse than you did last week! I said you should smoke a maximum of five cigarettes a day!” Patient: “And that’s what I did. And it wasn’t easy because up until now I didn’t smoke at all!”
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Posted by Riya in Dark Humor 2 weeks ago
What did the cannibal do once he dumped his lady friend? He wiped his bottom.
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Posted by Riya in Dark Humor 2 weeks ago
If Hitler would have been a feminist what political system would he have come up with? A dickhatership!
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Posted by Riya in Dark Humor 2 weeks ago
What are you looking at when you see two homeless dudes hitting each other with bits of cardboard? A pillow fight.Famous last words of a bomb disposal expert? "Yes, the red wire."
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Posted by Riya in Dark Humor 2 weeks ago
Bertie comes sadly to his mommy and says, “Mom, the kids have been mean to me. They keep teasing me that my feet are too big. Please tell me honestly. Are my feet to big?” “Of course not, Bertie. Now go put your shoes in the garage, the dinner is ready.“
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Posted by Riya in Dark Humor 2 weeks ago
Woman at a maternity hospital is in a lot of pain, moaning. The man strokes her back, “I’m so sorry sweetheart that you have to endure this…” - She replies: “Don’t worry Steve, it’s not your fault.”
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Posted by Riya in Dark Humor 2 weeks ago
That moment when you notice that one fork isn’t really very clean when you’re laying the table and you have to decide which family member you like the least.
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Posted by Riya in Emotional 2 weeks ago
A magician comes to a seniors' home for entertainment afternoon: "Aaaaand? Is everybody heeere?" Seniors, enthusiastically, "Yeaaaah!" Magician, winking, "But not for looooong.....!"
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Posted by Riya in Dark Humor 2 weeks ago
My Chinese friend got really sick one day and had to go to a hospital. I went to see him the next day, but he just kept whispering “Chun Yu Yan” over and over – and then died. I was very sad and googled his last message after the burial. Apparently, it means “You’re standing on my oxygen tube.”
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Posted by Riya in Dark Humor 2 weeks ago
What is brown, small, and smells of caramel? A diabetic who’s been struck by lightning.
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Posted by Riya in Dark Humor 2 weeks ago
Give a man a match, and he'll be warm for a few hours. Set him on fire, and he will be warm for the rest of his life.
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Posted by Riya in Dark Humor 2 weeks ago
Patient: Doctor, I’m starting to forget things. Doctor: I understand. Patient: Understand what?
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Posted by Riya in Dark Humor 2 weeks ago
If you need to break up with somebody, the best place to do so is McDonalds. There are no plates or glasses to be broken over your head, no sharp knives or spiky forks, plus you can always hide behind a fat kid.
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Posted by Riya in Dark Humor 2 weeks ago
Daddy, there is a man at the door. He says he is collecting for the nursing home. - That's perfect. Tell him grandpa is coming in a moment.
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Posted by Riya in Emotional 2 weeks ago
A lady tells the nurse at a maternity hospital, “I want to call my little baby Ellie.” Nurse replies, “I’m sorry, but that name is already taken, perhaps you can consider naming her Ellie532 or Ellie_153?”
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Posted by Riya in Dark Humor 2 weeks ago
Doctor: And how is it going with your old ailment, Mr Smith? Patient: Very well, I’ve been divorced for half a year now.
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Posted by Riya in Dark Humor 2 weeks ago
A chubbier woman: Mirror, Mirror on the wall, who’s the fairest of them all? - Mirror: “Kindly move aside. I can’t see anything.”
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